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“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:9 NKJV

Have you ever noticed something about yourself that drives you crazy? Come on, you know you have. I think we can all agree we all have something that drives us crazy about ourselves. All my life, I’ve been an emotional person. Don’t get me wrong. I really am a happy person, yet I kind of have this thing that no one cries alone when I’m around. Yes. I’m that girl. Friends, strangers, actors in commercials or movies. I’m not picky. Of course, I cry over normal things, but I also cry over some pretty ridiculous stuff, too. Let’s start with movies. Sad movies. You may as well just pass me the tissues and leave me alone. I mean, hello, Steel Magnolias, My Girl, Man in the Moon, Where the Red Fern Grows. On second thought, maybe those movies just scarred me as a child. Romantic comedies make me smile…and cry. Who doesn’t love a happy ending and occasionally wish life could be just a little more like the perfection of a Hallmark movie? And then, there are movies I literally refused to see in the theaters (Lone Survivor, Still Alice) because I could foresee uncontrollable snot slinging on my part, and well, that would just be embarrassing. And gross. For me and everyone around.

My kids listening to my advice as they get older tends to conjure up the occasional tear. Then again, my kids not listening to my advice…let’s just say that evokes a different kind of tears. And sometimes yelling and an occasional door slam. (I’ll let you decide if it the door slamming is me or the kids.)

When I hear about a young, single girl just finding out she is pregnant, I’m taken back, a couple decades to be exact, to a time when I was in her very shoes. Tears instinctively fill my eyes because I know how terrified she probably is, but I also know it could quite possibly be the best thing that ever happens to her.

The Star-Spangled Banner didn’t make me cry until my brother joined the Navy, which happened about a year and a half before the tragedy of 9/11. Something inside of you can’t help but change when someone you love is now amid the rockets’ red glare, the bombs bursting in air. For this same reason, I cry at the flood of videos on social media documenting soldiers reuniting with their families after deployment—or their dogs! Holy moly…those soldier/dog reunions get me every time!

I’ve lost pets. I’ve had friends who have come into my life for a season and gone away just as quickly. I’ve had a child graduate, go to college, and learn some life lessons the hard way. I’ve had friends who have tragically lost children and my heart literally breaks for them because our son was in a terrible accident last fall and I cannot imagine what life would be like now if our story would’ve ended differently. I’ve experienced the devastation of divorce, as a child, a wife, and a mom.

I have had a lot to cry about in my life, but a lot of what makes me cry, also drives me crazy. In case you didn’t know, it’s not very professional to cry at work when you’re upset over a situation. Not cool for mascara to run down your cheeks at church when the pastor is preaching an exceptionally touching message you know was meant for you. I’ll try to get through a conversation with a friend about something they are dealing with, and sometimes I just have to stop, take a deep breath, and gain my composure.

Over time, I’ve learned a few things that have helped me hold back the tears. Things like taking a walk, getting a breath of fresh air, or when all else fails, I just wear waterproof mascara, and stuff a tissue in my pocket in case the need arises. Probably the best nugget that ever helped me is when, years ago, a sweet friend gave me the Best. Advice. Ever. When you feel like you’re going to cry, “Squeeze your butt cheeks.” Next time you feel like crying, try it. I dare you. Beloved coworker retiring and you can’t hold back the tears? Squeeze your butt cheeks. Sad movie? Squeeze your butt cheeks. Favorite football team just lost the championship? Squeeze. Those. Cheeks. Makes me laugh every time I think about it which is why it works so well! But its really best if you don’t laugh, unless you want to explain to them what you’re doing. That could be awkward.

In all seriousness, I struggled for so long to conquer this, but then I found myself in a long term situation and realized the old cliché is true: be careful what you wish for.

For a few years, I worked in an assisted living community that focused on caring for those with Alzheimer’s and related dementias. My job was to move people in, get it full, and keep it full. Assisted living is an occupancy driven business, after all. My personality is such that it was very easy for me to connect with and build relationships with the families who were looking to move their loved ones into a safe environment. But my personality is also such that it was a gut punch every time one of my residents died. On one hand, a family that I’d built a relationship with just lost their mom or dad. On the other hand, occupancy had just decreased and the powers that be would be after me to get it back up. For three years, I lived this vicious cycle in my head—success, death, failure, repeat. Every single time someone would pass away. The Lord Himself is the only one who truly knows the number of tears I cried during that time. Heaven knows there were too many for me to count, but each time it happened, the tears were less and less. Until one day, one of my very favorite residents passed away and I absolutely could not cry about it. I had finally gotten control of my emotional side. Victory! Until I realized that rather than getting control of myself, life had gotten control of me, hardened me a little, and that’s when I knew it was time for a change. One of the things that annoyed me so much about myself was now missing and I didn’t like it. I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

It has taken me nearly 42 years, but, as with many things in life as I’ve gotten older, I have learned to see things differently, learned to see myself differently. Sometimes, what we see as a weakness turns out to be more of a quiet strength. I wouldn’t say crying is a gift of mine, necessarily, but it is a byproduct of something much greater. I’ve often questioned God on why I am the way I am, but I really think He made me this way because He wanted me to be a person who could love deeply, who could see the good when others can’t, someone to find the silver lining among dark and stormy circumstances. And while I don’t think it is God’s intention for me to be a blubbering fool in every situation, I have learned to no longer ask Him to change this about me, but to show me how to be who He has called me to be.

Take a look inside yourself today. See yourself through God’s lens. Is there something you need to embrace about yourself? Sometimes that does require changing, but most of the time, if we take a good, hard look at ourselves, we find He has already given us everything we need. You just might need to change your perspective.