CandaceMeiler.com

My youngest daughter was home this weekend and just before she left to go back to school, she asked me a simple question: “Mom? Have you been writing?” It’s a question she’s asked many times before, but this time she tacked something on I wasn’t expecting. “You need to post a blog. All my friends ask me about it.” I think my mouth fell open just a bit. (I don’t remember responding. I probably did in my head. I get exponentially more accomplished in my busy little brain than I do in my busy little life.) Ever since she said it, though, I’m baffled at the thought that my daughter’s friends ask about my writing.

About half an hour later, she left for school, and I settled at my computer, determined to write something. Anything. When scanning my notes, I noticed this quote: “Some things in life are too important not to share.” It’s something my pastor said in a sermon awhile back. He, of course, was speaking of sharing the importance of knowing Jesus as our Savior—the most important decision we can make in this life.

Today, however, it got me thinking about what I wish I could tell my 18-year-old self. Because the Lord is also teaching me that I don’t have to figure out the hard things alone, I decided to reach out to a handful of girlfriends to help me out. (Young friends, there is value in listening to those who have made a few more trips around the sun than you!) These women are strong in their faith. Some are married. Some are single. Some are moms. Some are moms-to-be. Some have served the Lord for most of their lives. Some came to know the Lord later in life.

And before you think, “Well…I’m not any of those things. I can’t learn from them,” let me be transparent for a moment. I won’t speak for any of my friends, but I can tell you I am a number of statistics I never intended to be—a child of divorced parents, a teenage pregnancy, a single mom, a divorced mom, a remarried woman, a stepmom—and those are just to name a few on this beautiful, broken path God has allowed me to walk thus far. I am also a woman who met Jesus at her lowest of lows and He has given me more second chances than I care to count.

One thing my friends and I have in common: We were all young women once who wish someone would have shared this advice with us. Or perhaps we wish we would have listened when they did.

So, young friends, from my very small corner of the world to yours, this is what we have to say:

• Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Know Him. Love Him. Serve Him. Share Him. Life without Him is hard, and while life with Him isn’t always easy, the hope we have in His love and Salvation makes it all worth it. While I could go on and on with this point, I won’t, but let me just say this: If you’re trying to figure out what is missing in your heart and life, it’s Jesus. Plain and simple.

• Enjoy your singleness. It is the only time in your life where you can buy whatever you want, travel wherever you want, and indulgently spend money on whatever you want without having to worry about anyone else.

• Not all friendships are for all seasons. Your high school best friends or your college best friends may not be your best friends forever and that is okay.

• Focus on your own mental health and invest in YOU before you share your heart and life with another. We often chase or love those we think we can fix or rescue, and we desert our own mental, physical, and spiritual wellness.

• Not everyone needs full access to you and your life. Many can know the basics, but you are not obligated to explain your actions, decisions, and heart to everyone. There are ‘levels of access’ to you and your ‘why.’

• Don’t think you have to have it all figured out. If you don’t have a specific mission, hold off on college until you have an idea of your purpose or passion. They can change and shift over the years.

• YOU are your only limit!

• Perfection is not the goal. Living each day in fellowship with God is. You don’t have to have all the details figured out right now. God already knows these details and He will reveal them at the right time. Just keep living life with Him.

• Relax and trust God. You don’t need to earn His love. You already have it! Do your best and trust God to handle the details.

• Life is short. In the blink of an eye, twenty years will go by, and your future will be a collection of successive “nows.” Work a little each day toward the future you want.

• Don’t get into a committed relationship until you’re in your 30’s so you can get to know yourself without all the distractions.

• People are going to give you A LOT of advice. Figure out what works best for you and then be okay with it.

• Your choices have consequences, both good and bad. Be proud of the good. Take responsibility for the bad. Don’t blame others for choices you made.

• Seek Jesus. Get in the word. (Read your bible.) I knew God but wasn’t really connected to Him at that point in my life. I wish I’d found this beautiful relationship sooner!

• Be the one that takes the first step to reach out and meet people, to be that sincere, caring friend. The truth is most everyone is self-conscious, scared, and shy in some way. It might seem like they are stand-offish, but 99% of the time, people are just looking for connection, community, and friends and don’t know how to reach out.

• Forgive your enemies. As the saying goes, “Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free only to discover the prisoner was you.” All the hurt you went through matters because the lessons you learn from it will help mold you into the person you are meant to be.

• Forgive, but set healthy boundaries. When you learn to forgive, you will wish well those you once considered enemies. You may not want them to have a seat at your table, but you’d probably fix them up a nice to-go box because you don’t want them to go hungry, either.

• Don’t underestimate the power of red lipstick.

• Wash your face and wear sunscreen. Your 40-something skin will thank you.

• Be generous. Buy a coffee for a stranger. Buy Christmas gifts from the Angel Tree. Go to breakfast with your friends and each of you tip your server with a large bill. Just be generous. I promise it will bless you just as much as the one you are blessing. If not more.

• You can make choices based on what people will think of you—Don’t do this or must do that because “what will people think?”—But in the end people will think and say what they want about you anyway. What matters is what Jesus thinks of you. See things through that filter and live your life.

• Life is short. Sure…Eat the cake, buy the shoes, take the trip. But also…Make good choices, wear your seatbelt, and make sure your heart is right with Jesus. Always. Because while it’s true that life is short, it is also fragile.

Young friends, none of us were meant to walk the exact path as another. It’s true, we are all on our own journey just trying to make it through. Our paths are scattered with an array of beautiful and heartbreaking moments, wonderful (and sometimes not so wonderful) people. Yet, if we are paying attention, the beauty we find in our collection of experiences is, when our paths cross, we grasp the hand of another, and say, “Hey…I’ve been through this before. You don’t have to walk this part alone.”

Perhaps then, the journey will get a little easier when we remember the friends we have collected along the way, who remind us we are never really alone.