CandaceMeiler.com

“If your eyes are on the storm, you’ll wonder if I love you still. But if your eyes are on the cross, you’ll know I always have and I always will.”

Just Be Held, Casting Crowns

I’m amazed at all the experts out there. Really, I am. Especially on Facebook. I hear it’s the best place to go when you’re looking for only the facts. I’m kidding, of course. I mean, every time I scroll through my feed, I’m bombarded with advice from the “experts.” Typically, I find out I’m doing everything wrong.

Eat more carbs. Eat less carbs. Running is the best exercise. Walking is better than running. HIIT is actually what you need. Better yet, take this and you won’t even have to exercise. Read 5 chapters of your bible every morning and make sure it’s a real bible—not the app. On the other hand, the bible app is more practical these days, so that will make it easier for you. Cook a healthy breakfast. Make your bed. Go to work. Your kids really need you at home. Cook everything from scratch. Clean every day. Be a boss. Serve others. Live out your calling. Be everything to everyone all the time, but it is essential to make time for yourself. Oh, and don’t even think about missing one of your kid’s games because it will ruin them. Like, forever. By the way, make sure you get at least 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night…you know, so you can be your best. (If you can attain this, I applaud you, but I’m gonna need to know your secret!)

Go out and BE the church, serve others, show the love of Jesus, but there’s a fine line (more like 6 feet) between lending a hand and social distancing. Restaurants are open for take-out only, and you want to support them because you know how devastating this must be, and you really want them to be there when all this passes. Yet, we are supposed to “stay home” and practice “social distancing,” and if we don’t, you can bet Sally down the street is going to give you the stank eye and immediately take to Facebook to make a passive aggressive post about how “some” people aren’t doing their part to “flatten the curve” or “slow the spread.” (This is not aimed at any of my neighbors. “Down the street” was just an illustration.) Whether she’s talking about you or not, your anxiety will make you think she is because all day long you’re questioning whether you’re doing everything right…according to the “experts.”

It’s. Too. Much.

Anyone else feel the same?

I heard this quote once: “If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist.” I’m not an expert on any of the stuff I just listed. But overthinking? I’ve got that one down! I can do it in my sleep. And I do. Quite often. So many expectations, opinions, facts, and figures—it’s exhausting. It’s overwhelming, and if you dwell on it, it will leave you worried and stressed and anxious and helpless. Or even worse, hopeless.

For example, have you ever compared yourself to someone else? Think about someone you really admire. Maybe someone in your profession who really stands out. Or it could be someone you really respect who has set a good example for you. Someone you strive to be. On another note, maybe you just want perfect hair or perfect skin or a perfect body like hers, but you think about it so much, you start to feel bad and doubt yourself. For me, I compare myself to other writers. One particular writer, actually. I’m intentionally keeping her name to myself because she is one of the very best at her craft and admired by millions. For so many years, I wanted to be just like her and when I allowed myself to think about it too much, it was easy to set my writing aside because I knew I wasn’t good enough. I knew I’d never be like her. At least, that’s what I told myself.

I am also a worrier, by nature. I fully and completely acknowledge this about myself. I have wasted a lot of time worrying about things out of my control. Throughout my lifetime, this led to unnecessary amounts of stress and tears over situations I could do absolutely nothing about. Allow me to give you an example.

About 18 years ago, the United States was well into the retaliation in the Middle East for the attack on 9/11. Shortly after, my brother, who was special forces in the Navy, was deployed to Afghanistan. I watched CNN all the time because I thought it would keep me educated and up to date with all the latest facts about what was going on over there. While it did keep me educated, it also kept me in constant turmoil thinking my brother might be one that had died in the latest attack. Worrying made me feel like I had some sort of control over the situation, when in fact it kept me anxious and fearful. All. The. Time. It was brutal.

I very distinctly remember the moment I reached my breaking point. I don’t remember what happened on the news that day, but I can only imagine I’d heard of another attack and worried for my brother’s safety. I, once again, was anxious and fearful. I was pacing through the house, trying to pray, but feeling like my prayers were hitting the ceiling and falling right back down. Finally, I threw my hands up and shouted, “God, please, take this from me! I give all this fear and worry to you because I cannot handle it anymore!” I sat down on my bed, let out a deep sigh, and then I felt this sweet and quiet, but mighty rush of peace sweep over me. It was as if the Lord said to me, “My dear. I thought you’d never ask.”

That was a turning point for me. (Well, that, and when my brother told me to stop watching the news because they weren’t talking about all the good stuff that was happening, too.) To this day, when I find myself overwhelmed, worried, or comparing myself to someone else, I almost always recall that moment when God gave me such peace. My circumstances hadn’t changed, but my focus certainly had. (Side note: my brother did make it home safe, but not before a few more deployments. He is recently, and happily, retired.)

So, what are you supposed to do? What is the right answer when you’re already worried and stressed or comparing yourself to someone and then you look to the experts for advice?

Here is what I’ve learned.

First, and most importantly, don’t go to Facebook looking for facts or advice. Oh, I have a handful of professionals I trust, and Facebook is one way I connect with them. But all the opinions from “experts” like Sally are too much for me. So, if it’s overwhelming you, take a break. Moving on.

Second, comparison is a motivation killer. You were never called to be somebody else. You are who you are for a reason. God doesn’t mess up. He gave you the exact gifts and talents He wanted you to have. He doesn’t want you to be anyone else. He wants you to be who He created you to be. So, be you.

Third, worry, if you let it, will paralyze you. So much in this world is out of our control. We see that now, more than ever. Worrying does nothing to change our circumstances. It only makes us crazier than we already are, so let it go. Ask Him to take your worry and replace it with peace. I promise He can do it because He did it for me. So profoundly that I am still recalling it so many years later. So, let the worry go.

Lastly, when it comes to all the expert opinions out there, my solution is simply this: Just be. Be your best at eating healthy. Be your best at getting up and moving each day. Be your best at taking care of your family. And while I do believe we all need to do our very best at staying home and practicing social distancing right now, we can also be our very best at helping others through this uncertain time. Your best might not be what someone else thinks you need to do, but what someone else thinks doesn’t really matter. All that matters is that you are being the best version of yourself that you can possibly be. No one can ask more of you than that.

Just be.

But, for what it’s worth…this is only my opinion.