A lot of my friends have been talking about what their word is for the year. The idea is to choose a word to focus and meditate on throughout the year in effort to grow in that area of your life. Intentional, confidence, breathe, brave, strength, courage, perspective. While I haven’t really given a lot of thought to my word, 2020 has definitely started out to be a year of reflection for me. I was leaning towards vision or hindsight because, for me, both are 20/20 with a little correction. Ok, I know. Terrible joke. (I’ve been called a lot of things, but comedienne was never one of them.) One thing I can’t deny is, metaphorically speaking, I am seeing things much clearer now than I ever have.
While listening to KLOVE earlier this week, I heard something that really struck a chord with me. It’s actually funny I was even listening to the DJ’s talk because, as much as I enjoy the “positive, encouraging” music, the “positive, encouraging” DJ’s tend to annoy me. I’m all about the positive attitude, but I can only take so much forced laughter about Every. Little. Thing. They have a job to do, I get it. But I just can’t. So, I typically change the station and proceed to feel a little guilty about it until I realize the country station is playing a song I like. Then I’m over it. Until that DJ starts talking and it starts all over again. Seriously, you guys. I’m a mess.
Anyway, back to KLOVE. The DJ said as we get older, we have less friends. Some of you might be thinking, “Well, duh,” but it really got me thinking about my circle of friends. And the friends I used to have.
When life brought me to Shawnee, I didn’t know anyone besides my husband. He knew everyone so his friends became my friends, as well. Now that more time has passed, I’ve also made my own beautiful, strong, fun, Godly friends again. I spent the first few years feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t have any relationships here like I had before, but I know now that I am busier than I was before. I mean, I’ve received 3-4 invitations for birthday parties, shopping, and lunches in the past month and I’ve had to turn them all down mostly because of my kids’ schedules.
People say your kids won’t remember if you make every game or not, but I’ll remember. I also know the painful reality it won’t last forever. As my son’s senior year is winding down, I thought it would be fun to figure up approximately how many miles I have traveled for the sole purpose of watching him play ball. Mainly because he lives with his dad and it takes about 4.5 hours round trip to get to him, no matter where he’s playing or what he’s doing. Once a week during football season; twice a week during basketball. I’ve done this for 5.5 out of the last 6.5 years. (We missed his entire sophomore year due to an ACL injury.) In those 5.5 years, figuring only my trips to his sporting events, I have driven over 42,000 miles. There’s no way to know exactly, of course, but I would venture to guess it’s more than this. It’s been exciting, but exhausting, yet I don’t wish for it to end. I know when it does, my son has grown up and moved on and I’ll miss it. But really…I shouldn’t have to wonder why I never see my friends anymore!
I’ve always been the type of person to have a lot of friends. I grew up in a small town, so I had tons of friends, most of which I had been with since preschool. Then I went to college and while I held on to the old friendships, I also formed new ones with my roommates, in my classes, with my sorority sisters, at frat parties, in my church groups, and at work. Sometimes my friends overlapped into the different things I was involved in. Sometimes it was a whole different crowd and I loved it. I could go out with my girlfriends and run into good friends of mine from my job or my church group and none of them knew each other. It made me feel good to know so many people; to have so many friends. Thinking about it now still brings a smile to my face and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.
These were my people. The friends who helped make me who I am. The friends I bonded with while watching Where the Red Fern Grows, Grease, and 16 Candles. We chased the wrong boys and made up dance routines to Wang Chung. We played ball together. The friend I met in Waco for the day because it’s the closest she’d lived in a decade. The Tuesday night karaoke friend and, because of her, I’ll never hear Livin’ on a Prayer or The Piano Man the same again. The friend who taught me how to laugh again—at myself and at life—and who I spent countless nights with on the front porch swing, sipping strawberry crush, laughing (or crying) about our crazy lives. Those “show up unannounced, anytime, day or night, laughing till your side hurts” friends. The friends I’ve run into after months, or even years, of absence who have wrapped me up in a big, bear hug like I’m a long, lost friend they thought they’d never see again. Ah…those hugs. *sigh* Best. Feeling. Ever.
You get my point. Your memories may be different, but you know the kind of friends I’m talking about.
Sadly, as we get older, those friends that made us don’t always stay with us. There isn’t always a reason for it. Life just gets busy. You graduate college and start this adult life you always dreamt of. You get married and begin that chapter with the one who is supposed to be your forever best friend. You have kids and quickly realize you just intentionally outnumbered yourself and, even though you love those little humans with a fierceness you never knew you were capable of, you occasionally ask yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?!” Suddenly, cloning yourself no longer sounds weird and creepy, but like the best idea in the world. For the next 18 plus years, you race from work, to school, to church, to tee ball, baseball, football, basketball, cross-country, volleyball, trying to figure out how to cook, clean, do homework, and somehow find time to sleep. All the while, the people you used to hang out with are in the same stage of life and you never see them anymore.
Other times, you know the exact reason. You change jobs. Someone moves away. Or life just gets messy. Sometimes you get pregnant at 19 and your friends don’t really know how to handle it, nor do you fit in anymore. Other times there are fights, break-ups, divorces, rumors. (Not necessarily in that order and not necessarily connected.) Sometimes people judge you and choose sides, and sometimes you quietly shut them out because you just can’t handle the hurt anymore. Other times, they simply don’t know what to say so they say nothing at all and they slowly (and sadly) fade out of your life.
And life goes on. And you heal. And you learn.
Forty-something years in this world gives a woman a lot of time to reflect; to gain a new perspective. There is an ancient Chinese belief that goes like this: An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. To all my friends reading this now, whether you are currently in my life or were in the past: I’m thankful we met, and you are (or were) part of my story. That invisible red thread will always connect us. It may not always bring us back together, but it will always be there as a reminder that our paths crossed. Maybe for a lifetime, maybe for a season, but always, always for a reason.
With love,
Candace
CandaceMeiler.com 